The Unexpected Gift

Yesterday was a tough day for me.

I was faced with a part of myself I had really hoped was dead.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not saying I fell off the wagon or backslid into oblivion, just found a little animation in parts of me that shouldn't of been there anymore.

 

 

Too graphic?? Yeah, well...imagine how I felt! HA!

 

No really, on one hand it felt GOOD, I mean I wanted this enough to entertain thoughts about it. With me it's more like, 'obsess like I'm a prepubescent girl' thing but that's not the point. I knew it was wrong, period. Not based on circumstances or people because most definitely those things fluctuate enough in life that I could, and do, use them periodically to justify alot of my decisions.

 

It's more a who I am, who I have become, cannot give in to THIS.

 

 

As if I wasn't miserable enough already, I watched Francis Chan on You Tube and there were several things he said that really, really convicted me. By far, the one that got to me was 'do I love Christ above all'. Take away all the promises that heaven holds, the whole no more tears, no more pain etc. if the only thing we get as a promise was Jesus, would that be enough? Did I choose to become a Christian only to avoid hell? Maybe?

 

 

I prayed Lord, I want You to be my only reason. I want You to be enough for me. I felt so dejected when I went to bed.

 This morning I woke up completed defeated, I can't do this.

Obviously, I am the worst Christian that has ever walked on the face of this earth. I give up!! STOP!! I'm done!

 

"OK" came the Still Small Voice

 

So now what. Well, now that I'm not going to be this great Christian, I don't "have" to do anything. Well, I'm still going to follow You, though,.. because.....I LOVE YOU. i love you.

 

 

 

Just like that.

 

 

 

 

Quick Fun Tassel

OK, I know this is not part two, but I had something really spectacular happen last week that I have decided to share. I had a customer buy a total of 4 tassels from me. 

1 customer = 4 tassels

so I did something crazy

I asked her what she likes, and just custom made her one for free!!

It went down like this:

ME-

You know, as I wrote out your address on the shipping label I thought to myself, "hmmm...this seems familiar." I checked online later on and yup, I knew it! I did sell you a tassel before!
I am so honored.
Let me make you one a custom one "on the house" (pun totally intended) free shipping, free everything. My gift to you.
I have so many toppers and trims and ribbons to choose from. Give me an idea, say color schemes, or collections or maybe just a gift you'd like to give someone and I'll create from there.

HER-

That's so nice. Colors gold/mustard. Browns. I like birds/nests. My kitchen has roosters. Colors black mustard red. Anything damask. Black white

Or my daughters room. Bright pink tan turquoise.

Thank you so much

So I got to work and since I believe the first thing we say, do, react is often the biggest "want" we want, this is what I created for her

I took these pics with my phone no less, I think they look good! The tassel is nice too.

I hung it on my front door because it faces the west and the sun was starting to set so the lighting was perfect. 

I mailed it off for her today, I hoped she is pleased.

Evolution of a Tassel - primera parte

I have been wanting to begin this series for a while now. I have such a deep affection for tassels.

 

 

They come in so many shapes, colors, sizes  & styles.

 

 

What's not to love right?

 It's like finding the perfect earrings to accent your favorite dress. It's bling for the home, on your curtains, your lamps, door knobs, armoires, anywhere you need a little extra something.

 

 

Then a few years ago when I began really opening up creatively in my recovery, I stumbled upon a young lady who went by the pseudonym of The Nester. She made tassels that were topped with different and unique items and layered them with ribbons and trim. The creative gates were opened and waves of the most interesting tassels ever imagined have been made ever since. 

 

I myself cannot look at ceramics anymore without seeing the potential tassel in them.

 

 

I have bought so much trim

 

 

that after finally organizing it,

 

 

 it almost sinful how much there is.

 

 

 

So I too began designing, creating, and just going nuts making all sorts of tassels.

 In 2009 I opened an Etsy shop and began selling them. I branched out a little when the tassel landslide began and tried made other items as well. I like all things crafty, but I still love tassels.

 

Here recently I have been rethinking yet again my tassels. I want to bring out a new line for the srping season (like I'm a fashion designer or something right HA!) but more realisticly I'd like to just make some more by this summer. I'm closing down the shop in Jenks and I'm cutting out all the extras so I can focus on the Celebrate Recovery ministry at church primarily, plus writing and the occasional tassel of course!

 So In this re-thinking of mine I have been watching a lot of videos on the art of Passementerie. The actual making of thread tassels. I'm going to show a few of these in my next blog entry. La segunda parte (the second part) 

 

 

The Foundation Is Being Poured

These are the words the missions pastor that is over our recovery ministry spoke at the meeting this last Sunday. I agree. The concrete is just now beginning to take shape and the foundation is being poured.

 

 I don't know many things in this life, but I do know this. God wants this ministry to happen in this church. I have not a smidgen of doubt on this. It's part of the reason I am at that church, if not THE reason. 

It is a good thing to have a purpose and to watch it unfold. To see the Almighty orchestrate events and to rest in that. 

My newest responsibility is to be in charge of the chips. 

These are tokens to mark the months we've had in recovery. They are very encouraging. 

The blue ones are the very first ones we take, when we first decide to surrender an area of our life to the Lord. Whether it is alcohol, anger, gossip or self-pity, the Lord is faithful to show us the issue( in due season) that could be holding us back not just in our relationship with Him, but in becoming the best person we can be. The other colors mark the anniversaries that we celebrate from that initial surrender. 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 6 months, 9 months, then..........

the ever-lovin' 1 year mark! You get a bronze one for every year after that as well. 

There is also a bronze coin/chip for graduating from a 12 step study

I just love how we are reminded that His Grace is enough for us. It all begins with His Grace after all.

Just for the record, I have like 10 blue chips, from all the times I felt moved to surrender something to Christ. I have now 4 step study coins, but none of the other colored chips. 

Ashamed of my many failed attempts, I loaded all my blue chips into my purse one day determined to return them. When I mentioned my plan to an older lady I greatly respect here at work that day, she immediately scolded me. "Don't you dare!" she said. Confused I questioned how I could possibly keep something that could better serve others that would be more honest in their surrendering to the Lord UNLIKE me.

Knowing my heart, she took my hands into hers and said keeps them as reminders of the moments your heart softened to the point that you were willing to lay down your idols, whatever they were, and you chose God. 

Devotion

First off, I am writing about my devotional today, and as I wrote the title I was struck by how the word devotion can evoke such deep beautiful feelings when it comes to my God. Yes, I am a fool like that!

Anyways, here's the devotional:

 

You Are Defined by God and God Alone
You are defined by God and God alone. He identifies you as his own (2 Corinthians 1:22).
The thing is, if you don’t know who you are, then you are vulnerable to other people telling you who you are. But the concrete, solid, gospel truth is that you are who God says you are and no one else has a vote in the matter.
Jesus was able to face the incredible demands of his mission because he knew exactly who he was. He knew that he mattered to God, and that gave him confidence to move purposefully in faith.

 Two points really moved me. First, the statement about being vulnerable if you don't know who you are. This is so flippin' true!! For the majority of my life, even after Jesus became the center of it, my self esteem was tossed to & fro depending on how many people I managed to please at the time. It honestly wasn't until I started in recovery that my perspective finally began to change and I began to really like myself for the first time. That totally turned my dependence on other people's opinions upside down and it has been replanted and is taking root in who God says I am. 

I am on solid foundation now,

 not quicksand. 

And it continues to get more and more solidified even when I didn't think it could. Amazing...

Second point:

I am, and have been awestruck by the character of Jesus. I remember reading John 13 many years ago, before Briana died, and being literally arrested by this passage:

³ Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, ⁴ rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. ⁵ Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. 

 To me it said, " Jesus, understanding He was made Master of the Universe by the Almighty God, decided to serve like a slave." I was big to me, like He had nothing to prove to anyone, nothing!! to the point that He could simply minister to others in the most disgusting, beneath Him, almost shameful, degrading, demeaning of chores. I knew they likely had horse and mule dung mixed with mud and dust and whatever unsanitary else humans discard outside of their homes that they don't want, stuck to their sandaled feet. 

I tried to express the awe of what I felt to my Sunday school class and I didn't explain it well. Someone snickered and said, "Wanna wash my feet?" I was humbled by that passage and every time since that I've come across something that smacks of it, I remember. This devotional did it. A sermon from one of my friends did it. In this said sermon, he put it perfectly when he said "Jesus uses His power not to dominate but to set us free". That what eats my lunch so much about it...I can be set free enough when I really get who I am and what I mean to God, to serve others in ANY capacity. It will not cost me anymore. 

wow. 

Weekend Project

Since we were in Florida for Christmas,

 I had a very late gift I needed to finish up for a friend of mine here at work. She's the gal that taught me how to knit a little over a year ago and I've been hooked ever since. So as a token of my appreciation for her, I decided to sew her a knitting needle roll

This is the outside 

 

This is the inside

and here it is all rolled up.

I'm going to have to make myself one now!!

Blessed

"......and her children will rise up and call her blessed."

I don't know if that is verbatim, but it is how I feel. I'm not so pretentious to believe myself the Proverbs 31 woman, far far from it I assure you. I just like the way that verse sounds and resonates in my heart. 

I have been recently reading a series of books that have changed my perspective and I find myself so incredibly grateful for the things I have that the Lord has given me. My heart has been softened with each novel I read and in the time that it takes for me to finish it I am so very sweetly broken. Of course it doesn't take long for the waves of the realities in this world to come crashing down on the simple path the Lord let me discover, and within weeks if not days of ending each book, my heart is back to "normal". The sweet fragrance of the truths become just a distant memory in my mind and I'm crippled in my emotions once again. Try as I might, I cannot access or evoke the tenderness I walked in previously.

So my solution? I find another book by this same author and dive right in. 

I'm not sure exactly how the Lord is able to use Francine Rivers story to transform me so much,(at least while I'm reading them) but He is. Maybe it just one of the many tools He has to use while chiseling away at my heart.

I'm almost finished with the current book

 so I'm feeling very positive....to the point of nausea! HA!

 I encourage you to check them out, they will bless you