Coming Into My Closet

I just finished answering some fun questions for a feature a genuinely great gal is doing on me over on her blog. She asked to include some pics of works in progress and here's what I clicked:

These little pretties are really sitting on a shelf in my craftroom closet, just waiting to be finished. That frog is going to make a really cute topper....maybe something along the lines of Disney's newest movie The Princess and the Frog..?

Here' something from my very, very private collection:

I painted this when we found out Bri had cancer. I just sort of let out all my anxieties onto this. I had actually forgotten about having done this in 2000 until we moved here 2 years ago and we found this in our stuff we had in storage. My husband had it framed as an anniversary gift.

Amazing what little treasures we have under our own noses if we just took a little time to look!

The Man of My Dreams

Today is my 12Th anniversary. As i reflect on these past years and my marriage, there are a few conclusions to which I have arrived. The first is that my marriage (not my 1st obviously) has been a reflection of my life up to now in many ways. Take my recovery, i wish, wish, wish that i could say that i have been delivered and completely healed from a life long love affair I've had with food. The truth is, i really do have to take it one day at a time. Sometimes i stumble, sometimes I'm unsure of where i am and what to do, and sometimes i am SO secure and clear about the fact that I'm right where i should be.

My relationship with God is also very similar. I try so hard sometimes, sometimes not so hard. Other times I want to hide from Him and then of course very often i find myself time & time again running straight FOR Him.

Back to my husband....

Here we are, still very early in our marriage, unaware of the road in front of us. I must interrupt at this moment to tell you i don't really have big hair, i had just swept it over my head to the side to get it out of the way. Phew, so back to the show. He has been a stepfather to my older sons, together we had a daughter, survived her diagnosis, suffered a miscarriage, had a son, then we buried our daughter.He has been my best friend, my arch enemy, my greatest lover, my greatest heartache. I have loved him and hated him, lived for him and been willing to die for him. Well, one of us have come close several times. LOL!

The key element in all this has been, we just keep coming back.When all is said and done, we just keep on keeping on.

The biggest thing that has happened to us both and our marriage would have to be the Lord. He not only changed our individual hearts, but managed to knit them closer together to each other in the process.

When Bri was suffering in the last few weeks she was on this side of heaven, a dear sister came to visit us and her. At this point Bri was unable to move herself around on her own and with much, much pain. When the company came into the room to see her, one last time, my husband ever so gently while cradled in his arms, used his own body, his arms, his chest, to prop her up and move her so she could receive them with some sense of dignity. My sister later told me how much this scene moved her, because it was a beautiful example of what the Holy Spirit does for us.

Honey, no matter what life throws at us, I'm glad it is you He has placed by my side. And truly i WOULD marry you again.

Family Game Night

Last week we decided to re-introduce family game night (such an original idea...right??) now that our youngest is in first grade. Well, we have created a monster!!

We chose Saturday night as the best night, and this morning my baby made this in the center of our living room.

Pray for us!!

A God That Whispers

You know, He never, never, never ceases to amaze me. Especially when I least deserve it. You know the other day when that old song reappeared in my life and brought with it all the old familiar bittersweet emotions i will forever hold in my heart concerning my sweet daughter's passing away? Well, now i know why.

Believe it or not, my memories that i have on a daily basis of her are indeed happy. Perhaps her little brother will say something that will remind me of something silly she did, or really just about anything can easily bring a precious memory to mind. This is not a depressing thing at all, it is what i have until i see her again. I read once in a book that when our loved ones pass on, it's like they simply walked out of the room we're in and went into another. We can't see them anymore, but they are still there nonetheless.

I know that the position i hold on death is one that MANY do not understand, but it is mine and it is reality to me. This is a viewpoint that i did not arrive to from some sermon or book or even good idea. No this one i lived, and still continue to breathe it to this day. I knew it had moved from being a mere theory to my reality when my grandmother passed away 2 YEARS after my daughter. It continues to be my knee jerk reaction when I am informed of any believers passing. It is how i see the world, and i have my Lord to thank for it.

So back to a couple of days ago, when i heard the song and had a couple of sad days reminiscing with all these old emotions of loss, I asked God "why?". It's not her birthday, it's not the anniversary of her death, yes it's the holidays, and truth be told...i just chalked it up to that, but it was still a little out of the ordinary. Well, today i got a message from a sweet family we had the good pleasure of getting to know 3 years ago. They were the only family that actually stayed in our home while their son was undergoing treatment, a vision the Lord had given us in our hearts when we first moved to Memphis to be together while Bri went through her treatment. When Bri passed, so did our initiative, so the Lord made this tiny glimpse into a reality through another couple we were friends with. You can read that story here.

At any rate, this family that DID stay with us, worshipped with us and we had the pleasure of fellowshipping with, their son went home to be with the Lord last February. Dad found me on Facebook and well mom really wants to visit with me. I did not stay in contact with them, because I'm afraid of being a hindrance to any one's faith when they're believing for a miracle. I have been afraid that my story, my 'views' may make it seem like dying is really OK. I know what it's like to leave no stone unturned, and i think we have to do that for ourselves.

I won't bore you all with my 'mumbo jumbo', just suffice it to say...you know when God interrupts your day with something and you don't know why until a few days later?When He actually shows you the dots for you to connect? i love it when God does stuff like that.

Black Friday Burnout

OK...i did it. i got up before the sun, joined the throngs of people getting sale items, and got home exhausted by 7 am, slept for a few hours, got up and played driving miss ....my kids everywhere they needed to be (and do) today, and i did not pass out because my God is great.

I had originally planned on a quiet day at home making tassels for the exciting giveaway day going on at The Shabby Chic Cottage beginning tonight at midnight. If you haven't checked it out yet, well get your little self on over there and join in on the giveaway fun she's hosting.Just click on the button in my sidebar. Who knows, you may walk away with loads of free goodies for gifts for the holidays? wouldn't that be sweet!!

Here's my pic for the day...

This is...you guessed it , my handsome airman son. I scanned and loaded his pic for family members at Thanksgiving yesterday. He wasn't able to come home, but a precious family did open their home to him for something called Project Thanksgiving.

I am so thankful for my family...you know what this guy put on my facebook wall??

"out of all the moms, in all the world..i got the best one."

this is something i tell my kids from as far back as i can remember, it's just so nice to have one of them tell me it back. Sweet!

Happy Thanksgiving

I wonder how many other bloggers will have the same title for today's post??

So this year I am not making the traditional Cuban black beans and rice dish...my half sister ( a recent immigrant from Cuba) will be making them according to my sister. My nephew nearly fell out of his seat when i announced this the other evening that my brother was over. My brother then suggested i go ahead and make them anyways..in case something unforeseen happens like...i dunno...they don't like hers?? Instead i am making this:

traditional mashed potatoes!! there are a few family members that will be grateful, i know. I'm actually relieved to not be making so much this year seeings how i had surgery one week ago and I'm not 100% yet. so this is the pumpkin pie i will be taking:

i like to call this..pumpkin Ala Wal-mart pie!! I wasn't even going to make pumpkin rolls but my still living at home 20 year old son decided to make them last night with mom's guidance.

So back to the question that is probably burning in every one's mind that i have so nonchalantly disregarded as if this were an all-AMERICAN thing.....what the heck is so traditional about black beans and rice and what does it have to do with Thanksgiving?

Being from a Cuban family, we love, love, L.O.V.E. black beans and rice, sometimes called Congri, so in our little circle, turkey just doesn't taste the same unless ingested with a generous helping of black beans & rice. I'm sure we are not the only 'non' traditional traditionalists out here, so if there's something different your family does..i would love to hear about it!

And really do have a Happy Thanksgiving, whatever that happens to be for your family!

The End of the World

A while back, i heard a song on a movie...i don't remember if it was at the end or what, but the haunting words seemed to hit a note inside my heart. It resonated with the bittersweet emotions i wrestle with concerning my daughter's death. It put to words a little of what it felt like to be in my shoes.

well..last night i heard it again and after so many years of trying to find it, i knew this was the song at the first note...it's :The End of the World by Nancy Sinatra.

Why does the sun go on shining

Why does the sea rush to shore

Don't they know it's the end of the world

'Cause you don't love me any more

Why do the birds go on singing

Why do the stars glow above

Don't they know it's the end of the world

It ended when I lost your love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder

Why everything's the same as it was

I can't understand, no, I can't understand

How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating

Why do these eyes of mine cry

Don't they know it's the end of the world

It ended when you said goodbye

My Kids From Another Mother

Today i took a couple of pics of the 2 most cute fellows living in my home

meet Teddy

We rescued him a year ago and put him in a crate under the Christmas Tree, classic, except he growled alot at Ian. He still has the red & white striped collars with 2 tiny jingle bells on it. I don't think he's quite forgiven us for that yet.Just kidding!! He's super loving and gentle.

I never noticed how funky my foot looks next to a dog.

Meet Rocky

One word comes to mind....spaz..as you can see he thought i was trying to play with him so this was the best pic I could get. He's my eldest's dog, an added bonus when he came home from school 2 summers ago.Now he's in the Air Force and Rocky is ours...for now.

this picture was kind of an oops, again Rocky thought we were outside to play, but now that I look at it...it reminds me of that segment on Conan where they do "what would their kids look like?"

My Real Life

So this morning I got up with the intention of showing the world what my living room really looks like, i wish i could say occasionally, but truth is regularly....

You will notice, of course, the scraps of computer paper scattered all over...this is from my mini artist and the way he processes his days in the evening.

This is the different mediums he uses in his artwork: markers, pens, pencils,& crayons. His favorite medium would have to be the markers, because there's something delightfully permanent about where he uses them, even though he pleads with me that they are 'washable'.

Truth be told....it is my guilty secret pleasure that my kids ALL express themselves artistically.Like there is a little bit of their mom in each one...just like there's a bit of my dad left in me.

Daily Pics

I am really bad about blogging here lately, so i've decided to try something new. Inspired by a website i came across recently. I will post at least 1 picture every day. Even something random from my life. Here you go:

this would be my six year old playing with my camera and taking a self portrait while everyone else was saying goodbye to my oldest son "the airman" in the background there. Obviously he has just eaten or played with markers, or messed around in the mud...thus the dirt on his face!