Daily I find myself working on my recovery, whether I choose to or not. Mostly, I choose to...consciously, based on my decision to not live the way I had been living up to now.
Sometimes I wish I was done with it, and moving on to less earth shattering subjects. It's been almost 2 years now, but seeing how I am a middle aged woman, well, it took me quite awhile to get here to begin with. So today I will remind myself this is a process, I can go from A to B instead of jumping ahead to Z. Plus I will remind myself that I can still enjoy myself and my life today while going "through" it. My perspective is constantly being readjusted to the point that some days it's as fluid as liquid. Other days, I just want to camp out on my most recent revelation and not move an inch.
I am getting healthy, and knowing that makes me feel good. Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. It is a lovely thing to to begin to experience a sense of balance in all these areas of my being.
The best part, it is genuine this time. I'm not needing a 'quick fix' anymore, I may want one, but I am surviving this whole one-day-at-a-time. I know now that superficial self-confidence has a foundation of ice . It can be crushed so easily by any external circumstances in the blink of an eye. I have instead been substituting this thin veneer that by all appearance exudes strength for a deliberate resolution grounded in God's word. There is peace in that. Unfortunately this change in my mind-set is slow going. It is such a blessing when I find myself reponding from that mind-set as opposed to fear or emotion or that incessant "need to please and anticipate what they want me to say" place
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